This blog is the second in a series of 15 Blogs on How My Love Story Unfolded Over The Years.
Our secret to understanding each other’s mood, energy and needs is more than surface-level chemistry! Our relationship thrived not in a day or a month but was built over the years- brick by brick, with trust, communication, respect and genuine love as the cornerstones. And here’s the kicker- none of these can exist in full form unless you first work on understanding yourself.
Talking to my married friends and relatives, I get a lot of, “My partner failed to understand my needs!” But no one talks about what they could have done to make their partner understand their needs better.
Building a healthy relationship with anyone starts with you. Understanding your emotional and physical needs, your patterns and your willingness to grow- all of these have a massive role in the connection you create with your partner.
So here I am spilling my secret of what worked for us and what made us the Power Couple that people admire!
Trust: This Is Much Bigger Than Just A Word!
You must have heard it a million times- Trust is the key! What I am saying is- don’t declare it, SHOW IT!
It isn’t built in a day or two or a few months, but over time, with consistent actions- by being 100% honest about what you feel, showing up when you said you will, and keeping your promises, even the small ones.
What Worked For Us? We practice honesty every day. Even when the truth felt uncomfortable, we talked about it, of course, by choosing the right set of words. We didn’t sugarcoat it, but chose our words such that it doesn’t hurt the other person, as the truth itself is tough to process.
And remember, in building a lasting relationship, the trust will be broken multiple times, unintentionally. People fail at times! But rebuild it, no matter how many times it takes. After all, building a long-term relationship takes time and the willingness of both.
Communication: More Than Just The Exchange Of Thoughts!
More than WHAT, it is HOW you communicate.
By communication, I don’t mean talking all the time. I mean- listening to each other and understanding each other. It is about creating a space where both are heard without any judgements.
Here’s the thing: Arguing/snapping at each other is talking to “win”. A partnership is about understanding your partner and their behaviour- and solving the differences together.
What worked for us? We always knew that two people, no matter how compatible, come with a certain set of habits, traumas, and behavioural patterns. We respected our differences! And give the other person the room to express without feeling guilty about having those feelings. It worked magic! Now we share a space where the other person understands the emotional state of the person expressing, and is willing to put in the work it takes.
One of the best habits you can build is learning to express your feelings clearly. Instead of saying, “You never pay attention to me,” try, “I feel a bit disconnected. Can we spend some time together?” See the difference? The former accuses, while the latter invites connection.
Respect: We Undermine The Value Of This Emotion!
While love can quickly become controlling, dismissive or even toxic, respect values your partner as an individual.
Respecting your partner is about accepting their quirks, supporting their goals and appreciating their boundaries. Your partner had an identity before you became a part of their life! They also have some thoughts and plans about what their future looks like. The least you can do? Listen to them, support them unconditionally and try aligning your goals with theirs. It also means, knowing when to step back and let them shine on their own.
What Worked For Us? We thank each other every day, even for preparing that morning coffee and daily meals. We complement each other, both publicly and in private, for how well the other person takes care of things, for listening and how we take care of other people in our lives. Gratitude is our key!
Self-Love That Leads To Genuine Love Towards Your Partner
Genuinely loving someone is a daily choice. That comes with a lot of self-love.
What does Self-Love look like? Knowing your needs, understanding your triggers, and addressing past wounds are all essential steps for self-love and becoming a better partner. Think about it- how can you communicate your feelings if you don’t understand them? How can you respect your partner’s boundaries if you haven’t ever set yours?
The more you understand yourself, the more you can show kindness, patience, and understanding towards your partner- the key components of Genuine Love towards someone.
What Worked For Us? Individually, we spent time understanding our emotional patterns. We are still a work in progress! These behaviours or fears from the past helped us understand our patterns better. Communicating these to each other not only helped us heal from it but made us much stronger on an emotional level.
If, at this point, you think our relationship is perfect, it isn’t! We are just in a healthy relationship — a constant work in progress! We also do certain things that make us a power couple-
- Make time for each other, even during busy weeks.
- Celebrate each other’s wins, no matter how small.
- Do not question each other’s dreams but support the other person to achieve them.
There’s nothing like finding a “perfect” person- it’s about becoming the best version of yourself and choosing to nurture the relationship every day. Remember, relationships aren’t about losing yourself to someone else. They’re about two people walking through life together, supporting each other’s growth and finding joy in the journey.
I’d love to hear from you! Do you have a favourite memory or a piece of advice about relationships that you’d like to share? Please drop your thoughts in the comments below!
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