I lived quite a happening life over the past 10 years. I travelled, did things people just 'wish' to do, loved deeply, earned well and built a character of self, a kind you can only stand if you have a good intellect.
And of course, all this involved people talking behind my back. For which I was least bothered because no one was stupid enough to gossip in front of me. But a few weeks back, I had this strange encounter with an individual who came to me to verify what someone else told him about me, and in the process, proudly revealed the source of the gossip. And though being gossiped about isn't new for me, this very idea of knowing the gossiper just inspired me to write this blog. It was funny, it was stupid, and it just made me wonder, "Are there any rules of Gossip that people are following, and this person failed to follow?"
Let's Talk About This Whistleblower First!
So a known of a known (both are of the same family, hence the family folklore I am now part of!) came to me with nonsense they’d heard about me, and decided to go rogue. The worst part, he didn't even sugarcoat it! Now full marks for honesty. Zero marks for accidentally telling me this "known" of mine talks behind my back, and I need to be careful.
He accidentally spilled the beans, the bag the beans came in, and the name of the farmer who grew them.
The result? I’m sitting there, sipping my coffee, realising that while I am busy actually living my life, someone else is busy editing it.
I Am Not Against Gossip. I Just Think It Is A Low ROI Hobby!
I am not against Gossip. I might hate the idea of spending my time doing it, but I don't HATE it for someone invested in doing it. I think for some, Gossip is perceived as a cheap shortcut to intimacy. When people don't have emotional depth to bond over ideas, dreams, or even shared hobbies, they bond over the perceived failures of others. It's "bonding via bonfire"- everyone feels warm, while someone else's reputation provides the fuel.
But then this hobby comes with a cost. So if you find yourself tempted to spend your Tuesday night dissecting someone's life, here are a few things to consider for your personal brand:
- The Credibility Crash: The moment you gossip to someone, you aren't just selling this person out- you’re telling the listener, "Hey, I’m totally untrustworthy! Want to be friends?" I am not really sure if you wanted to brand yourself this way!
- The Spill-Over Effect: I think people are inherently bad at keeping secrets. Moreover, sharing a secret comes with living in fear of getting it exposed someday. Eventually, your "confidential" tea-spilling session becomes a public broadcast. And let’s be honest, nothing kills a vibe faster than someone knowing exactly what you said behind their back.
- The Creativity Gap: In a world where you could be learning a language, perfecting baking a bread (I recently learnt it!), or literally creating art, you chose to speculate on people and their relationships and habits? It’s a bold choice, but not a bright one. I am not sure how it might be helping you grow, too.
The Power of The Ask
Now I am not saying I have navigated how gossiping works! Some on the internet say it is a psychological disorder, and some gossipers feel it is their "right" to talk about people because.... (they never answered my question and the because behind it!).
Honestly, I do have some underlying questions:
- Why talk behind the back when you can confront? It is easier and saves time.
- How to find a gossip companion who won't betray you? Do they come with a tag?
- How does it fuels you? I am blank here!
Now, before you question me about why I hate gossip? Here is my perspective- I beleive in a revolutionary concept called dialogue. Choosing to whisper to a third party instead of speaking to the source isn’t just toxic; it’s a logistical nightmare. It’s like trying to fix a leak in your roof by complaining to the neighbour about the rain. Doesn't make sense? Yeah, same!
The irony? The gossiper thinks they are gaining social power, but they are actually liquidating their own currency. The moment you talk about someone behind their back, you've proven that you aren't worthy of talking in the first place. Congratulations: you’ve effectively fired yourself from the position of a reliable friend/family member.
So, a piece of advice for the whisperers: Instead of being the unpaid narrator of someone else’s journey, try becoming the protagonist of your own. It requires more courage than a whisper, and more character than a rumour, but the rewards are far more sustainable.
In the end, people with minds talk about ideas; people with lives talk about goals; and people with neither talk about... well, you know.